On the house: wrapping up. Received our big-honkin' check. Ho-LY cow. Jim took a picture, and then we mailed it to the bank. Canceled our home insurance, and sat around deciding where to donate our tithe for the house sale. Jim had a great time--he felt like Warren Buffett. I, on the other hand, hate the process of deciding where to send money, because there are so many needs and even a tithe for a house doesn't go as far as I'd like.
On the homestudy: wrapping up. Pam is now writing us up, and the last two of our checkboxes have been filled. The last reference is in, and I mailed our doctor reports (we are now certified as reasonably fit and drug-free) this morning. Once Pam finishes the writing, she'll send us her report and we'll mail that in with the I-600A to the government to get a fingerprinting appointment. We also have our notarized doctor's reports for our dossier, which is quietly growing on the dining room table.
From the house: chilling out. We're celebrating the completion of house and homestudy with a weekend on the beach in Maine. Wish I was there now, instead of looking forward to fighting Red Sox traffic (it's a doubleheader today, with the Yankees!) on my way home.
Friday, August 18, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
Out of house and home study
It was a good day. The settlement on our house went through with flying colors, so we are now officially houseless, if not homeless. The only remaining detail to go through is with the Deadbeats, who persist in the foolish notion that the money in escrow is somehow theirs by right. We'll deal with that next week.
The Ohio birth certificates arrived this week, so another tick can go into another box. We also sent out possibly the largest cheque I've ever written to Bethany to pay for our home study.
Also today we had our physicals with our Primary Care Physician, who, as it turns out, is from Guatemala. Not bad for using the dart method of choosing a doctor from the insurance web site. I think we were the only white people in the waiting room. No problems to report. I have to report back on Monday for the results of my TB test.
Pam came out for the home inspection part of our home study. The only snag was that we discovered that there were no batteries in our smoke detector. Easily fixed, and that was that. The physical report and one reference are the only remaining details for the home study's completion. After that, we mail it off and get an appointment with the FBI.
The Ohio birth certificates arrived this week, so another tick can go into another box. We also sent out possibly the largest cheque I've ever written to Bethany to pay for our home study.
Also today we had our physicals with our Primary Care Physician, who, as it turns out, is from Guatemala. Not bad for using the dart method of choosing a doctor from the insurance web site. I think we were the only white people in the waiting room. No problems to report. I have to report back on Monday for the results of my TB test.
Pam came out for the home inspection part of our home study. The only snag was that we discovered that there were no batteries in our smoke detector. Easily fixed, and that was that. The physical report and one reference are the only remaining details for the home study's completion. After that, we mail it off and get an appointment with the FBI.
Saturday, July 29, 2006
Documents & Wills
Our marriage licenses and Jim's birth certificates have arrived. The document designers at the Missouri Department of Health and Senior Services have implemented some nice changes in their birth certificate designs over the past 28 years. My original copy looks like it could be used as evidence in the Rosenberg trials. We're still waiting on Ohio. For the record (AKA the Google index), I highly recommend VitalChek to any other prospective adoptive parents out there. I placed the order a week ago. If you order these things directly from the state, they advertise 6-8 weeks for the order to be processed.
We also bought Quicken WillMaker Plus today, which will save us the bother of hiring a lawyer to do our wills for us. It looks like TurboTax.
We also bought Quicken WillMaker Plus today, which will save us the bother of hiring a lawyer to do our wills for us. It looks like TurboTax.
Saturday, July 22, 2006
Forms
Paperwork began in earnest today. We did the following:
- Downloaded Form I-600A (Application for Advance Processing of Orphan Petition) from the Department of Homeland Security. Discovered that the PDF form editing functionality of Adobe Reader has some bugs to work out.
- Called Harris County, TX for copies of our marriage license. Requested that they be signed by the county clerk herself.
- Bought fresh copies of our birth certificates from the vital records departments of Missouri and Ohio through VitalChek.
- Browsed through Guatemalan hotels for our stay there. Yes, it's very early for that. The hotels they recommend are the Guatemala City Marriot, the Hotel Residencial Reforma, and the Hotel San Carlos. I like how the Hotel Residencial Reforma web site has an English version and an Espanol version, and neither contain any text.
Educational Meeting
On Thursday we had what may be our last meeting at the Bethany office (and our last lunch at Ronald's Fuddruckers, which is down the street). It was the "know-what-you're-getting-into" meeting. Many parents think that adopted children will integrate into their family just like a birth child and are then surprised and unprepared for the issues which may arise (of course, we already know this--see the reading list). Pam had us watch a news report from the ABC show Turning Point from 1997. It was on adoptees several years after they were adopted from the big Romanian exodus in the early 1990s (which was prompted by a previous news report showing the terrible neglect in Romanian orphanages). Children lived in virtual isolation for up to three years before they were adopted, and adjustments were not always easy for them. Suddenly a large population of orphange-"raised" adopted children were present in the U.S., and a critical mass of children with integration difficulties was reached. Mothers began networking, looking for help for their kids, and finding pediatricians and therapists who began to specialize in such issues. Adoptive parents today owe a great debt to these families; they have told us what we can expect and where to go for help, two things which they didn't have.
We don't expect nearly these kinds of issues with Ronald, since he will have been raised in a foster home and be younger than many of the Romanian children, but we are by now pretty well educated in these matters and will be proactive in helping him adjust. Kudos to our agency for insisting that we read and discuss these issues.
During the news program, Jim was struck by the lack of men in the report, and realized that in general the men involved in the process are very quiet when they're involved at all. The books we read are written by women; the social workers are women; the adoptive parents interviewed are almost always adoptive mothers. Birth fathers are almost never involved in the process, and often there are no adoptive fathers in the family either. In fact, Guatemala has a regulation stating that they'll consider single women for adoption, but not single men. Where are the dads? Why aren't they advocates for their children too? Why aren't they speaking up?
Get with it, guys!
In other news, we accepted another offer for our house. We're supposed to close this one on August 11th. Cross your fingers, everybody, and no shopping sprees around here until it's actually over.
Deadbeat update: Our real estate agent told us that the deadbeats' agent has been calling her every day asking for their earnest money back. Our agent is as dead-set against them getting it back as we are now. She's having a good time repeatedly telling them no every day.
We were afraid that we would have to clear out the escrow account prior to settling on our house, but it seems there was a new law passed a year ago that allows sellers to keep the money in escrow for up to 15 years. That way there is enough time for the legal system to get involved if necessary, and the seller's house sale isn't held hostage to getting the money released. Seems like a good idea to us. Now that there's no time limit, we're free to leave the money there as long as we like, and we can take our time figuring out what to do about it.
We don't expect nearly these kinds of issues with Ronald, since he will have been raised in a foster home and be younger than many of the Romanian children, but we are by now pretty well educated in these matters and will be proactive in helping him adjust. Kudos to our agency for insisting that we read and discuss these issues.
During the news program, Jim was struck by the lack of men in the report, and realized that in general the men involved in the process are very quiet when they're involved at all. The books we read are written by women; the social workers are women; the adoptive parents interviewed are almost always adoptive mothers. Birth fathers are almost never involved in the process, and often there are no adoptive fathers in the family either. In fact, Guatemala has a regulation stating that they'll consider single women for adoption, but not single men. Where are the dads? Why aren't they advocates for their children too? Why aren't they speaking up?
Get with it, guys!
In other news, we accepted another offer for our house. We're supposed to close this one on August 11th. Cross your fingers, everybody, and no shopping sprees around here until it's actually over.
Deadbeat update: Our real estate agent told us that the deadbeats' agent has been calling her every day asking for their earnest money back. Our agent is as dead-set against them getting it back as we are now. She's having a good time repeatedly telling them no every day.
We were afraid that we would have to clear out the escrow account prior to settling on our house, but it seems there was a new law passed a year ago that allows sellers to keep the money in escrow for up to 15 years. That way there is enough time for the legal system to get involved if necessary, and the seller's house sale isn't held hostage to getting the money released. Seems like a good idea to us. Now that there's no time limit, we're free to leave the money there as long as we like, and we can take our time figuring out what to do about it.
Friday, July 14, 2006
Note
One thing I really like about this town we live in is that it can afford to have an ice cream truck that is actually in tune. Listening to Pop Goes the Weasel all day is bad, but listening to Pop Goes the Weasel 20 cents flat, like in our old neighborhood, is akin to torture.
Not only that, but the Brookline ice cream truck splurged and went ahead and bought the extra octave for its organ. So now, when it plays Turkey in the Straw, when it gets to the "on down the road" part, it plays the low notes instead of faking it with the same notes an octave up.
When you're working at home with the windows down all day, this can make a real difference in your quality of life.
Not only that, but the Brookline ice cream truck splurged and went ahead and bought the extra octave for its organ. So now, when it plays Turkey in the Straw, when it gets to the "on down the road" part, it plays the low notes instead of faking it with the same notes an octave up.
When you're working at home with the windows down all day, this can make a real difference in your quality of life.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Second Interviews
Yesterday morning we had our individual interviews with Pam. They were about an hour and a half each. Basically we talked about things we had discussed in our autobiographies. Pam was particularly impressed with the quality of Jim's autobiography: apparently husbands don't generally measure up to his standards, but we always knew he was exceptional.
We're still finishing up our reading and some small bits of homework, but soon we'll be scheduling another meeting with Pam, this one an educational meeting, and then she'll come to our apartment for the final meeting of the homestudy. Then we'll be busy for a while gathering documents for our dossier.
Before our niece was born, my sister and her husband struck upon the great idea of coming up with a placeholder name for her to use instead of the baby. The placeholder name was obnoxious enough that they would never be tempted to use it for real, and it had the added benefit of putting strange looks on the faces of nosy strangers. We thought this was a great idea. Therefore, we will be referring to our kid as Ronald, because Ronald O'Donnell is just terrible. Not to worry, friends and family, it won't stick.
We're still finishing up our reading and some small bits of homework, but soon we'll be scheduling another meeting with Pam, this one an educational meeting, and then she'll come to our apartment for the final meeting of the homestudy. Then we'll be busy for a while gathering documents for our dossier.
Before our niece was born, my sister and her husband struck upon the great idea of coming up with a placeholder name for her to use instead of the baby. The placeholder name was obnoxious enough that they would never be tempted to use it for real, and it had the added benefit of putting strange looks on the faces of nosy strangers. We thought this was a great idea. Therefore, we will be referring to our kid as Ronald, because Ronald O'Donnell is just terrible. Not to worry, friends and family, it won't stick.
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Meeting Postponed
Sorry, no news today--our next meeting with our social worker has been postponed to next Tuesday. We'll let you know what happens.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Reading List
By this point my husband has observed that I was born to be an adoptive mom. I love the background reading, the time scheduling, and the lists (yay, lists!). So Pam gave us a recommended reading list, which I have now finished and have whittled down for anyone else who is interested (although if you live in Boston, you may need to wait until Jim returns them to the library).
A primary theme running through these books is that although birth and adopted children are loved the same, they are not the same. The joy of an adoptive family is by necessity preceded by great loss for the adopted child, and acceptance of the child's grief about that loss by the family is very important.
So here's Reb's list of recommended reading:
"Twenty things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew" by Sherrie Eldridge;
"Communicating with the adopted child" by Miriam Komar;
and the classic in the field,
"Toddler adoption: the weaver's craft" by Mary Hopkins-Best
If you're interested in a bit more depth, "Talking with young children about adoption" by Mary Watkins and Susan Fisher also has a review of the historical research about adoptive families and some great discussions about how adoptive parents can handle difficult questions or situations with their kids.
Our next meeting with Pam is Thursday, July 6. In anticipation of that meeting we have now finished our Bethany-requested autobiographies (10 pages each). I'll check them off the list!
A primary theme running through these books is that although birth and adopted children are loved the same, they are not the same. The joy of an adoptive family is by necessity preceded by great loss for the adopted child, and acceptance of the child's grief about that loss by the family is very important.
So here's Reb's list of recommended reading:
"Twenty things adopted kids wish their adoptive parents knew" by Sherrie Eldridge;
"Communicating with the adopted child" by Miriam Komar;
and the classic in the field,
"Toddler adoption: the weaver's craft" by Mary Hopkins-Best
If you're interested in a bit more depth, "Talking with young children about adoption" by Mary Watkins and Susan Fisher also has a review of the historical research about adoptive families and some great discussions about how adoptive parents can handle difficult questions or situations with their kids.
Our next meeting with Pam is Thursday, July 6. In anticipation of that meeting we have now finished our Bethany-requested autobiographies (10 pages each). I'll check them off the list!
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
The home study has begun!
We drove up to N. Andover this morning for the first interview with our social worker, Pam. Traffic wasn't too bad, once we were out of the city. The thing lasted about an hour and a half. Not too intimidating; it was mostly spent signing papers, including but not limited to:
Fun fact: When you fill out the purpose of visit on the customs form, you should always write Tourism, rather than Permanent Removal of a Guatemalan Citizen to America. Makes the process go smoother.
Our most pressing homework now is writing our autobiographies. We have 10 pages each to get into the darkest secrets of our families growing up, our marriage, our careers, and our beliefs on child-rearing. A sample question: What made you happy and what made you angry growing up? These will be used during our 3rd interviews, which will be taken separately with Pam. It's also time to start talking about getting appointments to have our fingerprints taken and contact Ohio and Missouri about getting more birth certificates.
In other news:
We've been attempting to become ex-homeowners since March. We put it on the market and had a great offer two days later, which was terrific. Unfortunately, the buyers turned out to be deadbeats; they postponed the settlement twice, ultimately failing to show up for the final settlement which didn't occur last Friday.
Our real estate agents, having had enough of them, put the house back on the market on Saturday, which is fine with us. Today we got another offer on the place. Not too impressive--it was for the asking price minus a $7000 seller assist. We countered asking for $5000 more.
And what of the deadbeats? No idea. Their good faith deposit money is still in the escrow account, and it will stay there until both they and we agree on who gets it after it comes out. There's even a non-zero chance they'll end up buying the thing.
This leads to several possible scenarios:
- A release and consent form, absolving Bethany of any responsibility should we decide we don't like our kid
- A form about how to submit grievances, should one arise
- A fee agreement
- A reading list: we have required reading to do
- Acknowledgement that we believe children should be disciplined when necessary
- A statement of faith
- Agreement to alert them ASAP if one of us should die, get sick, or change jobs
- An emergency contact form
Fun fact: When you fill out the purpose of visit on the customs form, you should always write Tourism, rather than Permanent Removal of a Guatemalan Citizen to America. Makes the process go smoother.
Our most pressing homework now is writing our autobiographies. We have 10 pages each to get into the darkest secrets of our families growing up, our marriage, our careers, and our beliefs on child-rearing. A sample question: What made you happy and what made you angry growing up? These will be used during our 3rd interviews, which will be taken separately with Pam. It's also time to start talking about getting appointments to have our fingerprints taken and contact Ohio and Missouri about getting more birth certificates.
In other news:
We've been attempting to become ex-homeowners since March. We put it on the market and had a great offer two days later, which was terrific. Unfortunately, the buyers turned out to be deadbeats; they postponed the settlement twice, ultimately failing to show up for the final settlement which didn't occur last Friday.
Our real estate agents, having had enough of them, put the house back on the market on Saturday, which is fine with us. Today we got another offer on the place. Not too impressive--it was for the asking price minus a $7000 seller assist. We countered asking for $5000 more.
And what of the deadbeats? No idea. Their good faith deposit money is still in the escrow account, and it will stay there until both they and we agree on who gets it after it comes out. There's even a non-zero chance they'll end up buying the thing.
This leads to several possible scenarios:
- The deadbeats agree that we get to keep the money. This likely will not occur without lawyers getting involved.
- We agree that the deadbeats get to keep the money. This also likely will not occur without lawyers getting involved.
- The deadbeats and we come to some sort of compromise, neither of us leaving empty-handed.
- The money sits there forever.
Friday, June 16, 2006
First Interview Date Set
We're going to do the first adoption interview on Wednesday at 9:30. I look forward to this not only because it's another step on The Adoption Journey as I've heard it put, but this will also be our first morning rush hour experience in Boston.
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
The story so far...
We've felt for a long time that God's plan for us was to adopt our children. At the moment we don't have any, but we just signed on with Bethany Christian Services to adopt a kid from Guatemala. This blog is designed for our family and friends (you know who you are) to keep up with what's going on with our long, slow trudge through the international adoption process.
So far:
May: Attended a required informational meeting at the Andover, MA Bethany office. Received a preliminary application that we quickly filled out and sent back. Nothing much on this application beyond our vital statistics.
Preliminary application was approved, and we received the "formal" application a week later. This one was a lot more in depth; it read more like a college application: essay questions on why we want to adopt, whether we've had fertility issues in the past, personal and professional references, income levels, amount of debt we're carrying, past addresses, stuff like that. Oh, and a non-refundable $550 fee. The first payment of many!
June: Sent in the formal application. Quickly got an email from the director at the Andover office saying we were approved and would we please let her know when we would be free to come down for the first interview (there'll be three of them).
So far:
May: Attended a required informational meeting at the Andover, MA Bethany office. Received a preliminary application that we quickly filled out and sent back. Nothing much on this application beyond our vital statistics.
Preliminary application was approved, and we received the "formal" application a week later. This one was a lot more in depth; it read more like a college application: essay questions on why we want to adopt, whether we've had fertility issues in the past, personal and professional references, income levels, amount of debt we're carrying, past addresses, stuff like that. Oh, and a non-refundable $550 fee. The first payment of many!
June: Sent in the formal application. Quickly got an email from the director at the Andover office saying we were approved and would we please let her know when we would be free to come down for the first interview (there'll be three of them).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)