Educational Meeting

On Thursday we had what may be our last meeting at the Bethany office (and our last lunch at Ronald's Fuddruckers, which is down the street). It was the "know-what-you're-getting-into" meeting. Many parents think that adopted children will integrate into their family just like a birth child and are then surprised and unprepared for the issues which may arise (of course, we already know this--see the reading list). Pam had us watch a news report from the ABC show Turning Point from 1997. It was on adoptees several years after they were adopted from the big Romanian exodus in the early 1990s (which was prompted by a previous news report showing the terrible neglect in Romanian orphanages). Children lived in virtual isolation for up to three years before they were adopted, and adjustments were not always easy for them. Suddenly a large population of orphange-"raised" adopted children were present in the U.S., and a critical mass of children with integration difficulties was reached. Mothers began networking, looking for help for their kids, and finding pediatricians and therapists who began to specialize in such issues. Adoptive parents today owe a great debt to these families; they have told us what we can expect and where to go for help, two things which they didn't have.

We don't expect nearly these kinds of issues with Ronald, since he will have been raised in a foster home and be younger than many of the Romanian children, but we are by now pretty well educated in these matters and will be proactive in helping him adjust. Kudos to our agency for insisting that we read and discuss these issues.

During the news program, Jim was struck by the lack of men in the report, and realized that in general the men involved in the process are very quiet when they're involved at all. The books we read are written by women; the social workers are women; the adoptive parents interviewed are almost always adoptive mothers. Birth fathers are almost never involved in the process, and often there are no adoptive fathers in the family either. In fact, Guatemala has a regulation stating that they'll consider single women for adoption, but not single men. Where are the dads? Why aren't they advocates for their children too? Why aren't they speaking up?
Get with it, guys!

In other news, we accepted another offer for our house. We're supposed to close this one on August 11th. Cross your fingers, everybody, and no shopping sprees around here until it's actually over.

Deadbeat update: Our real estate agent told us that the deadbeats' agent has been calling her every day asking for their earnest money back. Our agent is as dead-set against them getting it back as we are now. She's having a good time repeatedly telling them no every day.

We were afraid that we would have to clear out the escrow account prior to settling on our house, but it seems there was a new law passed a year ago that allows sellers to keep the money in escrow for up to 15 years. That way there is enough time for the legal system to get involved if necessary, and the seller's house sale isn't held hostage to getting the money released. Seems like a good idea to us. Now that there's no time limit, we're free to leave the money there as long as we like, and we can take our time figuring out what to do about it.