PGN, Round Three

We found out today that we were kicked out of PGN (the Guatemalan AG's office) a month ago, and on 4/11 we went back in for the third time. What was the issue this time? Another tilde, this time on the DNA consent form. It's a shame. The tilde used to be my favorite punctuation mark, with the interrobang a close second. Not anymore.

Recommended Reading

I read a fabulous book, the first I've read which is specifically tailored for the friends and family of an adopting family--that would be YOU! It gives dos and don'ts for grownups and tips on how to explain to your kids what has happened in the life of our kid. It's called "Cross-Cultural Adoption: How to Answer Questions" and is by Amy Coughlin and Caryn Abramowitz. Got it here via interlibrary loan, no problem--it's a quick and very helpful read. Please do!

Medical Update, Month Five

Just a medical update today; no new pictures. Gus had his latest physical last Tuesday. Still developing normally ("Buenas conditiones"). He's now 15.4 pounds and 65 centimeters long. He grew almost 2 inches in a month. He's really packing it on!

Update (4/17/2007): Pictures showed up today. I don't know if it's just gas or not, but it looks like he's smiling to me.

Package

We got the opportunity to send down a package to Gus today. Insiders call these packages "Ziplocs of Love." Now you know. They're very strict on how the package thing works. Not wanting the Bethany Guatemala reps to be overburdened with gifts to pass on to children's foster homes, the rules are:

• Packages must fit inside a gallon-sized Ziploc bag.
• Packages may not be mailed to Guatemala. They have to be couriered down in the luggage of another set of adoptive parents traveling to visit or bring home their own kid.

We've been on a package-sending list for a month or so, and this week we finally got notified that a nice couple in Iowa City will be willing to bring our package down with them later this month. We've had a bunch of stuff ready to go for a while, so today we bundled it all up (had to tape the bag shut) and mailed it off to Iowa.

Package manifest:

• Two disposable cameras.
• New onesie outfit supplied by Jim's parents.
• Blanket with ribbon tabs made by Reb, designed for chewing on. Jim slept with this under his T-shirt for a month to try to make it smell like him. He's been told it was effective.
• Stuffed heffalump, spritzed with a bit of Reb's perfume to make it smell like her. Definitely effective. Quarantined into another plastic bag to prevent everything else smelling like her.
• Portable voice recorder with cassette tape of us singing songs and reading stories.
• Spare batteries.
• Rattle.
• Small picture album of Gus' family.
  
• Chocolate for the foster mother. It's traditional.
  

Please Don't Meet the Robinsons

Some of our readers have seen my extensive collection of animated movies, which I hope to like enough that Gus's insistence on the 30th consecutive viewing of a particular film won't make me ill, but perhaps no movie can hold up to that standard. One that certainly doesn't is the newest Disney production, "Meet the Robinsons." This movie is adoption-themed and so caught my attention, but it's not good attention. Early reviews make me think that the movie is poorly researched and that the major theme is actually insulting to adoptees. I'll read more reviews and write more on this later (it's a busy day), but for now, I ask that you please exercise pro-adoption activism by not supporting such a fiasco with your hard-earned money.

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Sorry to make you wait the weekend for the rest of this discussion--Easter weekend is so busy, and yes it was WONDERFUL. Quick synopsis of the movie: hero was dropped off on an orphanage's steps as a baby. He is a child genius, and is rejected by 124 potential adoptive couples (he keeps a tally), finally deciding that he wants to search for his birthmother since she's the only person who may ever have really wanted him. Then a child from the future snatches him from a science fair to rescue the future. While doing so he sees his future, and it's a good one. He decides that to have that future he must "keep moving forward", and abandons the search for his birthmother (although in the time machine brought by future-kid he has the chance to see her and find out who she is, to be able to search for her in his own time) in order to have the new future with a science-geek adoptive family.

Here's why I dislike this movie, from least to most exasperating.

First, the portrayal of the hero's birthmother is incredibly limited. It is unbelievably rare in this country today for a child to be just "dropped off" anywhere. The birthmothers I have met through Bethany care deeply for their children and maintain open adoptive relationships. Although I understand using this situation as a narrative device and I was glad that the birthmother was portrayed in a relatively positive manner, it is still distressing to see a situation so far from normal presented to children as the adoption scenario.

Second, the interactions of potential adoptive parents in the early stages of the movie are overwhelmingly negative. The hero of the story is visited by 124 potential adoptive families, all of whom reject him in person for trivial reasons. The hero is adopted at the end; but as a potential adoptive parent, I found it demeaning that only 0.8% of adoptive parents mentioned in this movie were portrayed as reasonable human beings, especially when many adoptive parents seek to adopt children with known special physical needs.

Third, I was absolutely horrified to see the theme of the film, “Keep moving forward”, applied to adoption. Adoptees have been told for generations to “keep moving forward,” to forget their past, and to “move on” with their new families, as the hero does at the end of the story. Such advice has brought great grief and trauma to many adoptees, who have found en masse that the loss of their birth families is a hole that their adoptive families simply cannot fill. Children are better adjusted in adoptive families that empathize with the grief of their children about the loss of their birth families. Past experience and current research has led to the welcome practice of open adoption, in which adoptees maintain contact with both their birth and adoptive families. Applying the theme of “keep moving forward” to adoption insults the real-life experiences of adoptees, which tells us that their emotional health requires addressing the past: precisely the opposite.

I'm pretty upset about this mischaracterization of adoption and adoptees especially; I'll be sending a letter to our agency and to Disney. If you can think of any other way for me to advocate for real education about adoption regarding this movie, please let me know.

Back in PGN

Our most recent case update says that we've been back in PGN, with Gus's visa preapproval from the U.S. Embassy, since March 20. Presumably the great tilde issue has been solved. The next few updates will probably be "still in PGN", and then it will either be "kicked out" or "OUT OUT".

There has been zero news on the revamping of Guatemalan legislation. I hope they're spending so much time working on it that they haven't time to discuss it yet. Please continue to be in prayer for the system changes to be wise.

A Fightin' Owls Car Seat

We inherited a car seat from one of Reb's co-workers whose daughter just outgrew it. Unfortunately, the denim seat cover was in pretty sorry shape, which was understandable given the harsh treatment they undergo. It was grimy and faded with two years worth of sun exposure and crushed Cheerios. However, the seat itself is perfectly sound and only took a bit of cleaning to restore to mint condition.

What to do? As in so many cases, eBay came to the rescue; specifically, the eBay store run by a seamstress called wantful things. She did a simply amazing job sewing a custom car seat cover for us for a ridiculously low price. She works like this: we buy the sewing job using eBay; then we purchase two yards of the fabric of our choice, or one yard each of two fabrics of our choice, and send it to her. As you can see from the picture, we decided to go with our college colors. Then she makes a padded seat cover out of it. It fit over our car seat perfectly, and we were so impressed that we felt that she deserved a plug beyond the usual eBay feedback system. If you're in the market for a seat cover, look no further.

Domestic Adoption Reform

We interrupt your waiting for news about Guatemalan adoption reform to draw your attention to domestic adoption reform here in the U.S. The blogosphere has been buzzing this week, and an adoptee rights bill is in the Massachusetts State Senate.

Some of you asked us why we didn't choose to adopt domestically. There were many reasons behind that decision, but in this context I want to discuss a couple of them. We felt uncomfortable that the domestic adoption process in this country 1) allows first mothers to finalize the relinquishment way too early (some states require only a 24 hour waiting period, by which time the drugs haven't worn off, the hormones are nowhere near evening out, and she hasn't really had a chance to try to parent this child; in Guatemala the first mother is required to sign off 3 times over a period of months), and 2) first mothers choose the adoptive parents BEFORE the birth of the child. This second point sounds very cute and fuzzy and sweet, but although I support the first mother's decision to choose the adoptive family I do not think they should be choosing before birth. I have heard the stories of multiple first mothers for whom their love and respect for the adoptive parents pushed them to place rather than to parent. When they wavered, they couldn't bear to disappoint the wonderful people who were hoping so much for their baby--and the child left a home that could have raised it, and the adoptive family was filled with a child that didn't need their home.

What would a better system look like? A good example is Australia's, in which the emphasis is upon parenting before placing, and a lot fewer babies end up needing new homes. Here's an excellent post by paragraphein about how the specifics of a revamped U.S. domestic adoption system could work. I'm all for it.

Since the entrance of Gus into all of our lives, I've become much more activist about the rights of all people involved in adoption, especially the adoptees. Adoptees are so very vulnerable; they aren't consulted about the family they want to be part of, and they often lack advocates until they have been adopted. I'd like to encourage you to help advocate for the well-being of these children and the adults they grow into: another great post by paragraphein gives some suggestions for becoming an advocate with varying degrees of time to give and further details on the problems with the current system, an excellent blog by seriously details her experience fighting for a truly ethical domestic adoption (including a blessedly failed placement), and this site discusses legislation which may be pending in your area.

The adoption process in our own country scared us. How sad. Let's help make our process an example to the world in how it prioritizes the best interests of the children, protects the birth parents, and supports the adoptive parents.

Pictures & Medical Update, Month Four

We got the latest set of pictures and a medical update on Gus today from Bethany. He now weighs 13 libras, and is 61 centimetros long and still healthy, praise the Lord. He got a second round of booster shots. I'll be posting the new pictures at the usual place.

He must really like wearing that baseball onesie.

Spoke Too Soon

It appears that all it takes to make something happen is to blog that nothing has happened. We just got an email from the Guatemalan embassy informing us that we are pre-approved for a travel visa for Gus. That's the necessary next step before we go back into PGN (the Guatemalan attorney general's office) for our second try at acceptance there. Exciting stuff!

March Non-Update

We got our monthly "update" email from our agency today that said, yep, still waiting. We knew that. What we're specifically waiting for right now is for the US Embassy in Guatemala to give their approval to the adoption file now that the DNA test has been completed and was a match. This process used to take about a month, but an adoption facilitator recently acquired a visa for a child under false pretences and took her to the U.S. before she was found out (the child is now with her adoptive family and the facilitator's in a heap of trouble)--as a result the Embassy's been pretty gun-shy lately, and approvals have been taking significantly longer. Can't blame them; we're just waiting.

Once we have the Embassy's approval, we'll go back into the Attorney General's office again (no word on the tilde issue--if we get kicked out for it again, we'll know it wasn't resolved to their satisfaction).

And no updates on the political situation regarding international adoption in Guatemala, except that our agency is now cautiously giving referrals again, with lots of new caveats about which potential adoptive parents must be informed. It's been two weeks since the big announcement, but there's been no new news, only speculation. I'm wondering if it was posturing for the recent visit by our President. But until we have solid information, we remain in waiting limbo. Our process is still moving forward, but it's possible that it could be stopped at any time, and with the current political situation and the Embassy delays it's now very unlikely that Gus will be home by summer. Sigh.

A Word from Our Agency

Yesterday we received an email from our agency, confirming what we had already assumed about the new legislation in Guatemala. 1) The laws in Guatemala regarding international adoption will be changing in order to be consistent with the Hague Convention. 2) Those exact changes and the timeline on which they will be implemented is unknown. (We hear that the Guatemalan Congress is working on new laws, and that the legislation announced from the First Lady's office last week may have been meant to increase pressure on that process.) 3) Our agency has stopped giving referrals until details regarding the changes are known.

It appears that all cases in process are continuing to be processed as usual until the details regarding the changes are published. We hope to hear an update on our specific case soon. Please continue to pray for wisdom to construct the new laws, for the best interests of the children to be paramount in the process, and for creativity as the Congress tries to keep the good parts of their adoption process while closing the loopholes on the bad.

I Want My GusTV!

Wednesday we received an old-school (VHS, not DVD)-style video of Gus in the mail. It's about 5 minutes, and looks as though it was taken in the office of the coordinator in Guatemala, who narrated it. He spent most of the time wiggling. When they turned him over on his tummy to show us how he could lift up his head, he looked around for his foster mother, who was making funny noises (and presumably faces) at him from behind the camera. His foster mother said that he almost always sleeps through the night already, and that he takes two naps a day and spends the rest of his time wiggling. He's awfully cute in motion.

The not-so-good news: the political situation in Guatemala regarding adoption is always volatile, and it's been more rather than less in the past week. I can't explain very clearly what is going on, because no one seems to really know at this point. But yesterday the Guatemalan President presented what seems to be an executive order which would change how international adoptions are conducted--however, he probably doesn't have the authority to enforce his order, and portions of it appear to be illegal under current Guatemalan law. We don't know how the Guatemalan Congress, which is working on changes of its own to bring Guatemala into line with the Hague Convention standards, will take to the President's appropriation of their jobs. The President says that his order is only a stop-gap, but it may be sufficient to get the UNICEF money that has been offered to Guatemala as well as to snarl the system pretty effectively until the Congress finishes its work. That's all we know. No one has any idea when the changes will take place or how they will affect families currently in process.

No panicking, anyone. The uncertainty is all part of international adoption, and we knew that when we decided to start this process. Please join us in praying that wisdom would prevail, and that the people who make decisions would have the best interests of the children as their primary agenda.

An Exciting Day

Today we got a very exciting email from our social worker. It said that not only are we out of Family Court, we were submitted to the Attorney General's office (PGN) on January 17, and have already been kicked out! Kick-outs are part of the routine from the PGN; most families have two or three kick-outs. Ours was because the pre-approval hadn't come from the US Embassy yet (it should soon, since the DNA has been completed), and because the last name on the baby's birth certificate doesn't exactly match the last name on the mother's birth certificate (it's a difference of a tilde). So we're waiting for pre-approval, and the attorneys are working on a resolution of the tilde issue. Yes, we think it's funny too.

What's most exciting is that we've already been in PGN for a month, and had our first kick-out without even knowing it. The Guatemalan political situation is, as always, a little weird and unpredictable, but we may be looking at around 3 months until baby instead of around 6. Of course, no guarantees. But I'm starting to get excited on the inside, and my sister (who has two munchkins) is helping me figure out what non-furniture baby things we need.

We also got a medical update (but no pictures). He's doing great!

And lastly, since the Family Court process has been completed, we're feeling reasonably sure that this baby is our baby. Although we're keeping his full name a secret for a while longer, he doesn't need to be Ronald in public anymore. Now y'all can call him the nickname we've been calling him, privately and hopefully, within 24 hours of his referral: his name is Gus.

Crib installed

The baby's room is now fully furnished. Last weekend we acquired and installed a crib in the baby's room. We got it from a co-worker of Rebekah's whose daughter just outgrew it. We also finished and moved in the toy bin (trying and not succeeding to use up the extra paint left over from painting the dresser--we're used to painting rooms, so we way overestimated how much paint we would need). After all the furniture was moved in, we promptly rearranged every piece, but we think we're happy with the arrangement now.

Note the crib's feet. The crib didn't start with any shoes of its own, but these shoes have been waiting for it for years, a gift from friends when we first started telling people that we were going to adopt.

DNA Is A Match

Just over a week ago DNA was collected from baby and mother. The DNA was sent to the USA for testing to ensure that the woman relinquishing the rights to raise the child was truly the mother of the child. The results just came back with a probability of maternity of 99.99%. That's quite a yes, and it's a really big step in our process.

There's one more step before we can really begin to feel that this child is OUR baby, and that's the completion of the Family Court report. We know that the social worker interviewed the mother last week, and if she was and continues to be sure that she and no one in her family is able right now to raise a child, then the Family Court will approve her request to transfer the rights of raising him to us. The positive DNA test confirms that she has the right to do that. Once that process is complete, we will begin to get very excited--but not too excited, because the paperwork is taking an average of six months in the Attorney General's office right now. We hope to have that report within 1-2 months, and be able to say that this child is not just "maybe" ours, but "almost certainly" ours.

Birthmother Interview and Rocking Chair

It was a busy week in Boston and Guatemala. In Guatemala, the DNA test happened (we now have a couple of pictures of him at the test, which are posted on our picture site as usual). We were also notified that the meeting between the Guatemalan social worker and the mother also happened last week, so even though we didn't get official word that we were "protocolized", we must have been, because the social worker's interview is part of the Family Court process. Our attorney couldn't be acting on our behalf in Family Court if our document giving him power of attorney hadn't been accepted by the court.

In Boston, we celebrated the arrival of our rocking chair, a Christmas gift from Reb's parents which had to be special-ordered. Soon* there'll be a baby instead of a bear in that chair. We also got a toy bin/organizer/thing which we're painting, so his room is coming right along.

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*6-8 months, according to recent historical averages

DNA Test Done

We just received word that the DNA test on mother and baby was done on Monday. That means that the samples were collected and sent off to the lab. We should hear the results in between a week to a month from now.

More Pictures

We got another batch of pictures and another medical update today. He is now 10 pounds and 58 centimeters. And according to the medical report, he had a respiratory infection, poor kid.

DNA Authorization from the Embassy

We've received word that the US Embassy in Guatemala has given approval to have the DNA tests done on birthmother and baby. We're assuming that, although this instruction was given by the US Embassy and not by the Guatemalan government, that it couldn't have been given unless we were officially entered into the Guatemalan system, known as protocolization. Protocolization is important because when the Guatemalan adoption process has been shut down before for various reasons (and we expect that soon the Hague will cause a shutdown while the process is reorganized), protocolization was the cutoff to be allowed to continue with an adoption. Of course, there are no guarantees: international adoption is much like the stock market, in that past performance is not an indication of future results. So we're maintaining our same level of optimistic hopefulness, but were surprised to hear about DNA authorization before protocolization!

Another very important process tends to run alongside of the DNA testing: Family Court. Soon the baby whose referral we have accepted will be referred to Family Court as well, and a social worker will visit his birthfamily. She will ask if the birthmother is really convinced that she is not able to take care of this child and truly wants to relinquish the rights to raise him to another family. She will make sure that the birthmother knows that the relinquishment is legally final once the adoption is complete, and she will ask again if there is any family member who would be able to care for this child so that he could stay with his birthfamily. If the birthmother is convinced that she and her family would be unable to care for the child and that she does want to relinquish the rights to raise him to another family, then approval will be given by the Family Court for the adoption to proceed.

The timeline for Family Court is usually about 3 months, and for DNA results is 1-2. So far we are right on the average schedule.

If you'd like to get more information on the average status/progress of Guatemalan adoptions through our agency, they post an International Adoption Update within the first week of every month on their website. The update is on the left-hand sidebar. Also, a great website with useful information for adoptive families and friends from all countries is RainbowKids. They even have a letter to grandparents posted this month!

UPDATE: Received word today that we have NOT yet been protocolized. The entry into the Guatemalan system and the US Embassy are two independent tracks. Our documents have been in Guatemala for a few weeks, but have been delayed being put into the system because of the holidays (and then catching-up from the holidays).